Introduction: I have seen exactly two complete episodes of any CSI series: one Vegas, and one Miami. The Miami was over Thanksgiving 2006, and the Vegas was sometime in 2005 (I think).
Hypothesis: All CSI shows are exactly the same.
Test Methodology: Watch episodes of CSI, draw conclusions about their structure and subject matter by documenting the events and describing them. Tally like events with like events, and compare totals.
Results: Both episodes of the show had three plotlines. First, goofy offbeat plotline, documenting investigation of something mysterious, something without real reason. This is, it turns out, not a crime. Example: the Vegas episode featured frozen airline lavatory waste striking some poor sap in the skull. Second, we have the technical wizardry segment. This is the one where they use everything in the lab, and everything in every yet-to-be-invented computer database ever. Oh ho ho, but it's not that simple: it also involves someone overlooking some obscenely evident piece of information that means whoever their initial suspect was actually did commit the crime. Something about a woman stabbing her boyfriend in the neck with a screwdriver or something sticks in my mind. Third and finally, there's the culturally relevant investigation, where they don't do anything particularly advanced, but they do fight world hunger and communism and terrorists hiding in a cave. Example: a gator ate a white girl in the everglades, so whatever the guy's name is on Miami had to tell the reporter to talk about the deaths of dozens of other missing persons who had gone unfound and undiscussed due to whiteness issues. Seems fair, missing children are a serious business, after all.
Theory: Every CSI is therefore the same. Three storylines, three events, two crimes, one really shiny investigation, and one feel-good Bruckheimer family moment.
Appendix: I can't believe you actually read all of that.
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